Opinions, Uncategorized

Desire paths, and where to find them

Jacob Foote

NIAGARA FALLS, NY – Ambling by the library of Niagara University, one is bound to catch a curious sight. Before oneself, worn into the green is a desire-path. It’s surface is cracked, crooked and dirty like the witch’s tooth, but it’s aim is as straight and true as any good concrete sidewalk. But, gentlemen, the mystery still eludes you: what in good heavens is a desire-path?

Allow me to explain. Surely all of you clear-minded individuals are familiar, in gallivanting across the lawn or reposed strolls, with coming upon signs of a most queer sort. They may appear as simply matted grasses, so subtle only the most observant eye regards it, or as tredges of muck which even the most naive distinguish without fail. These queerish things seem to sprout from the proper paths, and how they grow! Whatever the obstacle – or lack thereof – they go absolutely through, with no regard to the indecency of their treading nor the eyesore they create. Good gentlemen, this is a desire-path: a path without bounds nor rules, a path that travels wherever it pleases on the most direct route conceivable with regard to no God nor master!

This most ignoble practice, while charming to the juvenile sort, must not be treated frivolously by the noble soul. The desire-path is an offense to winding, indirect walkways all over campus, knowing no etiquette in boasting its practicalities. If tolerated, the idea of straight paths that get students to their destinations in a timely manner would corrupt their souls. Then, their insolence will surely wreak havoc upon our precious lawns!

Preventing this ruin is of the utmost importance – it is our lush green fields that distinguish our Vincentian character from that of the creature that is Canisius. Pray now, fellow members of Niagara University’s administration, that God will lend the strength and wisdom necessary to eradicate such misguided desires, and that the students of this campus may deny temptation to walk on our grass through His love.

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